Lifestyle – K. Epperson

A December Resolution

red and white wooden bird hanging ornament

When we last made a resolution, it was to improve sleep. How’s that going? I am happy to report that the snooze button has not crept its way back into my morning routine.

Of course, there was a week when I didn’t have to set an alarm, and that may have helped. ~~Maybe~~. Probably.

This month, I’m doing a throwback resolution. Last year, I wrote about taking the pressure off the perfect holiday.

And since I’m still getting 1,000 emails a day with sales, buying guides, recommendations, and holiday “advice,” I feel that this topic is still relevant.

So here’s the December resolution:

Embrace the ugly.

To help you with this resolution, read last year’s post.

Then, just for fun, read this interesting article on the humble Christmas sweater. The 1980s staple became a sartorial pariah… until it wasn’t. Nowadays, the ugly Christmas sweater is as ubiquitous as subpar pop Christmas albums.

All it took was a change in perspective.

Embrace the ugly. You might find it’s not so ugly, after all.

A December Resolution Read More »

An October Resolution

Lifestyle / kepperson2

When your alarm goes off in the mornings, do you immediately get out of bed? Or do you push the snooze button?

Confession: I’m a snoozer.

It’s a problem. I realize this. Hitting the snooze button is my way of slowly accepting that the day must start. But it’s not best practice.

We all know sleep is important, but how often do we actually change our habits to help improve our sleep? I don’t know about you, but it’s easy to wish for better sleep without making any changes to get there.

So, we’re going to tackle sleep this month! You may have insomnia, sleep apnea, or some other condition that interferes with your sleep. In that case, a simple tweak likely won’t help you.

This month’s resolution is designed to help people who don’t have any sleep conditions but would just like to improve the quantity and/or quality of their sleep.

So here it is: Resolve to make one small change to help improve your sleep. This is purposefully vague because sleep is personal. One person’s sleep patterns can vary pretty significantly from someone else’s.

For me? The resolution is to quit the snooze button.

If you’re a snoozer, I challenge you to say goodbye to the snooze button. Getting up with the alarm helps our bodies learn what time we actually need to go to bed. It also prevents our brains from getting confused about our sleep cycle (It’s true. Read more about that here.).

If you’re not a snoozer, there may be other small changes you can make to help improve your sleep. Need a few examples? Use this list to pick a resolution:

Switch to decaffeinated drinks 4-6 hours before bedtime.
Turn off bright screens an hour before bedtime.
Set a consistent bedtime.
Set a consistent wake-up time.
Begin using a sleep mask.
Start an exercise routine to help your body rest at night.
Develop a nighttime relaxation routine. Think chamomile tea, reading, soft lighting, etc.

Notice that only one of those options requires making a purchase. Getting better sleep doesn’t have to involve spending a lot of money. For many of us, it involves setting routines and sticking to them.

So how will you improve your sleep this month?

An October Resolution Read More »

A September Resolution

Exercise, Health, Lifestyle / kepperson2

I have a confession.

I struggle with consistency.

Not in every area of life, but definitely in some. This blog, for instance. It’s easy to put it off for client deadlines and more pressing writing projects.

Exercise is another one of those areas. Sometimes it’s tough to find the motivation. Now, it’s WAY easier than it used to be. But there are days (or weeks) when I don’t feel like it.

But this morning, after two months of mostly weightlifting (because it’s been hotter than a two-dollar pistol around here, y’all), I went running. It wasn’t a long run, but it felt AMAZING.

If you ever work out, you KNOW that it makes you feel better. Here are just a few of the immediate benefits of moderate exercise (source):

Boost in mood
Improved thinking or cognition
Higher energy
Reduction in short-term feelings of anxiety
Better sleep

So let’s do some quick math. If you were to work out for an hour, one day a week, you would end up doing 52 hours of exercise each year.

Now, if you were to do 30 minutes of exercise six days a week, you would end up doing 156 hours of exercise per year. That’s three times the amount!

That tells me that showing up is the key.

So September’s resolution is to exercise at least 24 days out of the month. That exercise might look vastly different, depending on your fitness level.

If you’re at optimal levels of fitness, those 24 days might look like full-on weight lifting workouts and long runs or sprints mixed with pilates or yoga on light days.

If you’re starting out, it might look like getting off the couch and walking around the neighborhood.

And you know what? That’s 100% okay. It’s something. You’re doing something good for your body that day.

This is not meant to be a guilt-inducing challenge. It’s meant to be an encouragement. Feel better physically this month. Do something that will help you in the long term and short term.

Do something fun! Maybe you like dance classes or sports or cycling while watching TV. Whatever it is you do, do it six days each week for the next four weeks.

And then let me know how much better you feel.

A September Resolution Read More »

A February Resolution

1 Comment / Lifestyle / kepperson2

Well, hello there!

I hope you had a great January. How did your donation go? Our one donation turned into two, and I’ve started another pile that will go out later this month.

Do you hear that? It’s the sound of burdens being lifted. It’s amazing.

With that, are you ready for February’s resolution? Here it is!

Handwritten Notes

Your challenge is to write at least 10 handwritten notes. They can be written to any person–family, friends, acquaintances, or even strangers. They can be any type of note–just a hello, a thank you, a birthday card, or an apology letter.

The only rule? They have to be mailed or hand-delivered before the end of the month.

The rationale behind this resolution is simple: Handwritten notes are becoming a lost art. Not completely, mind you, but texts and emails and DMs are rapidly replacing handwritten communication.

And in some ways, that’s a good thing. For instance, most people hate unnecessary meetings. The only people who enjoy them are usually the ones doing all the talking. Emails have helped eliminate some of those meetings. Not all, but we’ll never see perfection this side of heaven. So I’ll take what I can get.

But in other ways, handwritten communication is desperately needed. It shows effort and forethought. It’s personalized, and it requires some time. If someone is willing to take the time and effort to handwrite me a note and send it through snail mail, they’re trying to communicate with me. And that effort can go a long way to build people up and maintain (or rebuild) relationships.

10 notes may sound like a lot, but it will require some time. You can make it easier by forming your list now and then committing to writing one note every other day until you complete your list.

Or, if you’re the “let’s knock it out all at once” type of person, go for it! Whether you write them all at once or over the span of three weeks, you’ll benefit from it.

Not only will this exercise help you be intentional about your communication and relationships, but it will also bring some sunshine into the lives of those to whom you choose to send a note.

Notes in Action

I remember a year and a half ago, my husband and I were about to move to a new town. Moving is always an exciting, terrifying, exhausting, nostalgic, and sad time. Basically, it’s an emotional rollercoaster as you simultaneously pack up 100,000 things into boxes. Less if you’re a minimalist. 🙂

A couple of weeks before we were set to leave, we started getting notes in the mail from people in our soon-to-be town. People that I’d never met. People that were pouring out love and encouragement from two and a half hours away. And I went to this new place loving people I’d never met. That’s how powerful it was.

So for this month? I resolve to use that power to lift up other people, one note at a time. Are you with me?

A February Resolution Read More »

An Alternative to Resolutions

Holidays, Lifestyle, Minimalism, Uncategorized / kepperson2

close up photograph of two person holding sparklers

Are you a habitual resolution-setter? Are they not your thing? Perhaps you’re the “word of the year” type. There’s value in each of those choices.

But if you’re looking for something a little different as we head into this new year, you might just find your answer here.

Setting a resolution for 365 days is admirable, but how often do we give up by February? Maybe even earlier? I’m looking at you, “no sugar” from 2016.

On the other hand, resolutions can often improve our lives, even if we don’t make it to December 31.

So what to do?

Monthly Challenges

Instead of trying to last 365 days on one pursuit, try doing 12 different challenges for ~30 days. This does two things. First, it makes each goal more attainable. Second, it also allows you to make improvements in multiple areas of your life, versus just one area.

To help you get started, I’m going to issue a monthly challenge on the blog on the first of each month. You can opt to do the challenge I’ve set, or you can pick your own. Some of these goals will only take a few minutes, while others might be a daily commitment. No matter.

The point is to make a promise to yourself and keep that proimse. This increases the likelihood of attaining future goals, which reinforces our own integrity. After all, honesty with ourselves is just as important as honesty with others.

Okay, so are you ready for January’s challenge? Here it is:

Make a Donation

You know that box of gently used clothing and unused toys that’s been sitting in your hall for a month? (Anyone else? Or is that just me?) Donate it.

You can donate it to Goodwill, a local charity, a friend who actually wants it, or any organization of your choice. There’s a local association in my town that raises money for scholarships at Free-Hardeman University, where my husband coaches. We always donate there first. Then, we donate elsewhere.

This is an easy challenge because it doesn’t require you to donate every day. But it’s an important symbol of cleaning out the old and making space for the new.

You could even go above and beyond and make multiple donations. They don’t have to be unwanted objects, either. You can make a financial donation to the charity of your choice. If you have a particular skill or talent, you could donate your services to someone in need. Whatever you choose, donate something this month.

Don’t go thinking all the challenges will be this easy, though! I’ve got a list, and I’m eager to share them.

I would love to hear from you! If you complete the first challenge, shoot me an email or comment below.

Here’s to finding joy in 2022 through nourishing and edifying practices. Happy New Year!

An Alternative to Resolutions Read More »

Taking the Pressure off a Memorable Holiday

Holidays, Lifestyle, Minimalism, Parenting, Uncategorized / kepperson2

This time of year is always special. It’s a time of joy and excitement and general goodwill.

It’s also a labyrinth of social obligations, financial stressors, memories of those lost, and overall chaos.

If you’re a minimalist, or even if you have just a cursory understanding of minimalism, you know it’s better to prioritize memories over things.

That philosophy helps prevent excess during the holidays, and it also promotes intentionality in how we spend this festive time.

There can be this pressure, though, to create the “perfect holiday.” A time of impeccable balance, lifelong memories, and the best traditions.

There is no perfect Christmas. The turkey will get overcooked. The toddler will break an ornament. The lights won’t work, or someone will ruin the family picture.

Those hiccups can put a damper on your plans, but they don’t have to. Some of my favorite memories are the result of such disasters.

When my husband and I returned home one year, we couldn’t drive up the hill to our place because there was so much ice and snow. We had to leave our car at a garage at the bottom of the hill and walk up to our place. It was cold and miserable at the time, but now it’s a happy memory.

My family loves to bake during the holidays, and fortunately (unfortunately?), I have several good bakers around me. When I made a less than stellar homemade pie crust one year, it was more than a little frustrating. My dignity as a baker and member of the family was on the line, for crying out loud!

To this day, I get teased about the “chewy pie crust.” My ego recovered long ago, but the laughs continue.

As a child, we had a live Christmas tree each year. One year, my mother went by herself to get the tree. My mother, who is all of 5 feet tall.

Needless to say, the tree she chose was…. diminutive. The family was taken aback. This wasn’t a Christmas tree; it was a shrub!

That’s one of the few trees I remember distinctly. We laughed for ages about that little tree. It was the one year my mother could put on the tree topper.

I could go on, but you get the point. We never know which part of the holidays will create a special memory.

Many of the best memories don’t come from planned events. They come from fiascos, changes in plans, and unexpected results.

So this year, by all means, prioritize memories over things. Don’t “gift yourself” a mountain of debt this Christmas.

But you don’t have to twist yourself into a pretzel trying to create perfect memories, either. This time is not about avoiding any and all negative emotions. When we let go of unrealistic expectations, we make room to enjoy the holidays with all their inevitable twists and turns.

At the intersection of thwarted plans and an open heart is where we find the magic of the season.

Taking the Pressure off a Memorable Holiday Read More »

Do You Have a Victim Mentality? Here’s How to Tell.

Lifestyle, Uncategorized / kepperson2

Suffering is an inevitable part of the human experience. We can try to avoid it or treat it, but we cannot escape it. Many times, that suffering comes at the hands of another person. When that happens, we are victims of maltreatment.

A victim mentality, however, is not the same thing as being a victim. There are people who have suffered unspeakable trauma, yet never develop a victim mentality. There are others with a victim mentality who’ve led quite comfortable lives. In essence, our mental outlook does not necessarily have to correspond with the reality of our situation.

A victim mentality is a self-inflicted handicap, and it can be destructive to the individual and those around them. It’s easy to spot this mentality in others, but it’s more difficult to detect in ourselves. So the question is, do you have a victim mentality? Read about the major signs to find out.

You can’t see multiple perspectives.

A realistic scenario: Let’s say I’m walking down the hall at work. A coworker walks past me without saying hello or acknowledging my existence.

If I have a healthy mindset, I might think of several reasons why the coworker didn’t speak. Perhaps they’re having a bad day and not in the mood to talk. Perhaps they are lost in thought and didn’t see me. Maybe they’re just not the chatty type, or maybe they’re not a morning person. None of those reasons have absolutely anything to do with me.

If I have a victim mentality, on the other hand, I will automatically jump to the conclusion that the coworker ignored me because they’re angry with me or because they don’t like me.

A person with a victim mentality assumes every situation is about them. Additionally, they cannot view anything outside of their own perspective. This lowers their ability to empathize with others. The ability to see different perspectives and empathize is critical to healthy relationships and critical thinking. Without it, we stunt our social-emotional and intellectual growth.

You give up easily.

Central to a victim mentality is the idea that you have little to no control over outcomes. If you have little control over how things turn out, then why try? When things get hard, it’s easy to just resign yourself to a bad outcome and give up.

It’s not difficult to imagine how this could damage someone’s ability to be successful in school, work, health, or in relationships.

You view people as allies or enemies.

If I have a victim mentality, I don’t view relationships as complicated or people as a mixed bag of positive attributes and weaknesses. I view them as either an ally or an enemy.

The problem with that thinking is this: We are all imperfect people who, in spite of our best efforts, will occasionally hurt one another. Interpersonal relationships are hard. They’re complicated. Most of the time, the people we love the most see our ugliest parts. Our friends and family are our greatest cheerleaders, but they can also hurt us the most.

So when my friend eventually disappoints me, they get permanently moved to the “enemies” list. When my family member hurts me, the relationship deteriorates rapidly. They have been cruel to me, so I am morally superior to them.

This thinking is the fast track to isolation and loneliness, which reinforces the victim complex. It’s a vicious cycle.

You draw attention to yourself.

If I have a victim mentality, I need others to recognize my pain. I need others to praise me and pity me. I can’t get that pay-off without them knowing my story. So I’m going to talk about it. I’m going to talk about myself. A lot. In fact, if there’s a conversation happening, I’m going to find a way to relate it to my own experience. Every single time.

The explanation for this is simple: Someone with a victim mentality cannot think about the emotional needs of others. They are zeroed in on their own experience, and they need others to be, as well. That means drawing attention to themselves, in whatever way necessary, even if it means breaking social norms.

You enjoy others’ sympathy.

When we’re hurt, it can feel good to have a sympathizing ear. But if I have a victim complex, it’s almost a compulsion. I need people to feel sorry for me.

Therefore, I will draw attention to the wrongs I’ve suffered, both past and present. No slight is too small. I will remember all the times I’ve been hurt and trot them out. My dog and pony show will only end once everyone has confirmed my assertion that I have been mistreated.

If I can’t think of someone who has hurt me, I will talk about my poor circumstances or disadvantages to elicit sympathy. Whatever it takes.

When bad things happen, you need to blame someone… someone else.

Someone with a healthy mindset realizes that bad things happen for a myriad of reasons, some due to chance and some due to their own actions. Someone with a victim mentality, however, needs to blame someone, and that someone is never themselves.

People who work with children or young people see this a lot. If a child misbehaves, most parents hold the child responsible. There are some parents, though, that will minimize or completely excuse their child’s behavior by blaming it on someone else.

A victim mentality is an antithesis to personal responsibility. It can dull the conscience to the point where someone with a victim mentality actually victimizes other people and then blames them.

Your major concern is fairness, above all else.

There’s an account in the Bible that’s famous among even the non-religious. It’s when Solomon uses wisdom to discern who the real mother of a baby is by suggesting they split the baby in two. The false mother is fine with this solution, whereas the real mother pleads for the baby’s survival.

Someone with a victim mentality wants to split the baby. They don’t care who gets hurt or how ridiculous it is; they want things to be fair. Forget personal responsibility. Forget learning from mistakes. If I have to suffer, I want someone else to suffer, too. I must preserve my self-created victim status, and I can’t do that unless someone is being unfair to me. If I commit a wrong, my first reaction is to find someone else who did something worse. If someone else earns something, I must have it, too. I can’t be left out and I can’t be called out.

Most people exhibit one of these signs from time to time, but if you find yourself relating to more than one of these signs on a frequent basis, you might have a victim mentality. To find out more about this phenomenon, read more about it here.

Do You Have a Victim Mentality? Here’s How to Tell. Read More »

Results Matter

Lifestyle / kepperson2

This week the world has watched a horrific situation unfold in Afghanistan. The Taliban has resurged, taking over the country in 11 days. American citizens and Afghan allies are trapped, unable to fight through the checkpoints to get to the airport. At least a dozen American military members and over 100 Afghans have lost their lives as the result of the bombing. These are the results.

Results matter.

I was not a witness to the planning process going into this withdrawal. I am not privy to anyone’s thoughts. I have no knowledge of anyone’s intentions- good, bad, or otherwise. I don’t pretend to know anything more than what I have seen and heard. And here it is: there has been much needless loss of life, and it’s not over yet.

We often judge our actions by our intentions. But sometimes our good intentions can have disastrous consequences. When that happens, we can either waste time and effort seeking to justify ourselves, or we can get busy dealing with the reality of the consequences.

Results matter.

But let’s move away from the immediate, global scale. Let’s move into the personal, mundane decisions of our everyday lives. If I never correct or train my children, I might claim I did that out of love. But when they grow up to be terrible human beings, I cannot justify the results. If I nag and harangue my loved ones out of a desire to help, my good intentions won’t repair the strained relationships that result.

If I cram my house full of stuff I never use or need, I might claim I did it because I found it on sale or because I want to be prepared. Maybe I want to preserve memories or pass it on to my children. But when I’m swimming up to my eyeballs in debt, or when I pass away and my children are burdened by all my stuff, I cannot justify the results.

If I lie to people in an effort to spare their feelings, I can claim good intentions. But I must also claim the bad results. If I cut corners at work out of a desire to excel, my good intentions won’t pay the bills when I get fired.

Do intentions matter? Absolutely. But intentions cannot wipe away bad results.

So, what then? Here are some simple strategies to help avoid unintended, bad results.

Determine the goal first.

In Stephen R. Covey’s book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, one of the habits is to “begin with the end in mind.” It’s very difficult to reach an undetermined destination. Many professions hinge success on this concept. Teachers begin planning by asking, “What do I want students to learn?” Financial planners ask people, “What is your goal for retirement?” Builders use blueprints. Scientists begin with a hypothesis. Only after they set the goal do they begin planning.

Imitate the successful.

Seek out the ones who got good results. Find out how they did it. What did they do? What did they avoid? Learn from those who’ve blazed the path ahead of you. As a mother, I find this to be invaluable with parenting. I try to learn from those who have raised responsible, well-adjusted adults. I mimic their methods because I want to replicate their results.

Think through the possible outcomes.

Those in the business world are likely familiar with the decision tree. The decision tree helps people understand the different outcomes that might results from a decision. This process helps people make sound decisions. Full disclosure: I’m a huge proponent of limited government. One of the main reasons is because I often see government try to solve a problem and end up creating more problems by the unintended consequences of their steps to solve the first problem. It’s a vicious cycle. Even if you disagree with my position (and that’s perfectly okay with me; I love you anyway), we’ve all had experiences like this.

Case in point: My daughter was painting last night. When we started to clean, she tried to go faster because she wanted to watch TV. By rushing, she ended up spilling paint on the floor and making a bigger mess. She spent way more time cleaning because she was in a hurry. By thinking through the possibilities before we get started, we can see–and avoid–potential pitfalls.

Cling to your integrity.

If the desired results are simply impossible without compromising your integrity, then you have a choice: good results or the ability to look at yourself in the mirror each day. Always choose integrity. If you’re willing to compromise your ethics or moral code for temporary success, you’ll end up with neither integrity nor good results.

Own up to your mistakes.

The only people who never violate their own conscience are babies and sociopaths. As Alexander Pope wrote, “To err is human.” Ask yourself, when was the last time you admitted a wrongdoing? If you can’t remember, that’s a giant red flag. Owning up to our mistakes is an admission of our own humanity. It requires humility, and that humility helps us realize the need to learn from our mistakes. And what happens when we learn from our mistakes? You guessed it. We get better results.

So if you aren’t getting the results you want, take a moment to examine why. Perhaps you haven’t stopped to think about your goals. Maybe you need a good mentor. Maybe you need to run through some potential outcomes. Perhaps you’ve compromised your integrity and you need to own up to your mistakes. Whatever it is, make the adjustments needed and correct course.

Because results matter.

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The Tension Between Private Life vs. Public Persona

2 Comments / Education, Lifestyle / kepperson2

The concept of privacy has been on my mind a lot lately, for several reasons. There is a tension between the private and public person, and whether that boundary should even exist. I’ll tell you my viewpoint upfront: I believe a “private life” is essential to our well-being as individuals and to our humanity’s collective well-being.

However, the issue is far from easy or clear-cut.

We’ve always understood that there are parts of our lives not meant for public consumption. This desire for privacy is not always borne out of hypocrisy or a wish to shield unsavory activities; indeed, many of the activities we engage in behind closed doors are quite necessary. Biological functions necessary to human life–reproduction, the ridding of bodily waste, childbirth–are carried out in a private fashion, i.e., they only involve the people essential to the activity. This explains why it’s completely normal for a doctor to be in a delivery room, while it would be appalling to have a random stranger with no vested interest watching the childbirth, shoveling in popcorn as if bringing life into the world is a spectator sport to be consumed like a Friday night football game.

While some individuals and groups have always crossed those boundaries, we understand those are exceptions, not the rule.

But with the rise of social media, the boundaries have blurred significantly. What was whispered about in the recesses of closed bedrooms is now shared openly and without shame. Sometimes, this transparency is helpful. I think of support groups, medical information, mental health, etc. People need a place to seek information and share, so they know they are not alone in their struggles. However, does the community bulletin really need to know about your toenail fungus or the laundry list of grievances you have against the local pizza place? When did it become okay to get into a virtual shouting match, complete with cursing and grammatically questionable insults, with random strangers about problems that are not directly related to either party?

I often feel confused at these interactions, as if the world left to go on vacation to a strange and faraway place, and I’m standing there at the empty station, wondering where everyone went. I know I’m not the only one, either. There are countless people walking around with confused expressions, shaking their heads and muttering to themselves, “What happened?”

The fast pace of today’s society has left behind many stragglers. Who the winner is in this scenario has yet to be seen, but my money’s on the stragglers.

And yet, while many of us closely guard our private lives, clutching them dearly as we venture out into the digital world, we also understand the security in dealing with consistent people. People who don’t lead separate lives when they are away from us. There is trust in knowing that who I’m talking to is the same person at all times. No one likes being deceived.

So when my coworker is a nice unassuming man, but then goes home to beat his wife? That man is guilty not only of criminal cruelty, he is also guilty of lying and betrayal. He has betrayed his public image and lied to everyone. He has robbed his wife of safety and trust, and everyone who comes into contact with him becomes less trusting because of his deception. He has effectively poisoned the well with his evil.

Hypocrisy is universally repulsive.

So how do we balance the need for transparency with the need for privacy? How do we ensure that individual thought is preserved while still having a reliable mechanism for recognizing the wolves in sheep’s clothing?

My conclusion is this: You can’t. In the end, you have to choose. If we seek to preserve private life, we run the risk of people leading secret lives. They will abuse the concept of privacy to carry out their selfish, and possibly evil, desires.

Which begs the question, why would I endorse the idea of privacy?

The reason is simple: If you abandon privacy in favor of complete and total transparency, you will have neither. We know this because we’ve seen it play out. When human speech is monitored with feverish zeal, humans adapt. We relegate our opinions to the recesses of our minds. We learn to conceal our true thoughts in an act of self-preservation. In the pursuit of a completely public persona, everyone becomes a hypocrite.

I met a wonderful person (I’m being purposefully vague) who fled communist Cuba many years ago. She shared how when Castro came to speak, his people would take attendance, noting–and presumably punishing–those who refused to attend. Later, Castro’s people would publish photos of the teeming crowd as proof of his popularity among the Cuban people.

They had no private lives, but that couldn’t stop them from hating him.

The fact is, not all of our initial thoughts are good. We have to work them out in our own minds or with others that we trust. Even this article, which I feel completely confident and comfortable sharing, has been edited. I deleted thoughts and rearranged them and changed my mind about sentences. Why? Because our thoughts are like seeds, they need to grow and be nurtured and shaped, and sometimes we have to uproot them and cut them out. If we don’t have the space to change our minds or work out our own opinions, we will stunt our intellectual, emotional, and spiritual growth. We will simply accept or reject; there will be no more synthesis.

We talk in terms of rights in our country. And while I fervently defend natural rights (as opposed to so many of the rights we talk about), I don’t want to frame privacy in terms of rights. Because the fact is, privacy is something that countless people across history have been denied. Instead, I ask you to think of privacy like beauty or art. We don’t need it to survive, but we need it to be fully human.

So treasure your private life. Put it to good purpose. Don’t abuse it. And when someone threatens it, guard it with your life. Because it is your life.

I believe there are sound theological reasons for this position, although I did not write this article from that viewpoint. If you would like to read about those, let me know and I will write a follow-up post.

The Tension Between Private Life vs. Public Persona Read More »

When Your Bold Decisions Give Others Courage

Lifestyle, Minimalism / kepperson2

audentes fortuna juvat
“Fortune favors the bold” (Latin Proverb)

In one of my earliest jobs, I had a boss who drove a car. It was a reliable car, but it wasn’t anything fancy. It certainly didn’t match his likely six-figure income. That completely unremarkable car made an impression on me.

To be fair, I don’t really care about cars. For me, they are completely utilitarian. Does it get me from Point A to Point B? Does it have air conditioning and heat? Those are really the only questions I ask. But even so, I remember that car, precisely because it was unremarkable.

It was almost as if my boss was saying, “I don’t need to bolster my ego by driving an expensive vehicle, even though I can afford it.” I respected that.

It’s that type of bold decision that can infect others with courage. The courage to be different, the courage to make the right decision in spite of potentially negative consequences.

But I want to be clear: When I say, “bold,” I don’t mean, “brash.” Certainly, those words might occasionally overlap, but I want to distinguish them. We are in an age that demands boldness be highly visible, very loud, and almost always offensive. Boldness, however, is not always those things.

Bold can be quiet.
Bold can be steady.
Bold can be humble.
Bold can be subtle.

That might seem like a contradiction, but it’s not. In a world where everything is dialed up to 100%, subtleties stand out in stark contrast.

What we forget oftentimes, however, is that there are multitudes of people longing to be bold, but they need someone else to go first. They need to be bolstered by someone else’s example. They need permission.

You have the opportunity to give others permission to be bold. By making decisions confidently and joyfully, you are signaling to them, “Come on in, the water’s fine.” Even when you face backlash, meeting it calmly and resolutely makes an impression on others. They realize it’s possible to survive criticism. They realize they can handle adversity without being a jerk to people. They realize the wounds aren’t fatal. And it emboldens them to make better decisions, too.

So drive the “okay” car. Don’t drive a car at all. Live in a small house. Start that business you’ve been talking about for years. Wear socks that don’t match. Buy thrift store clothes. Let your gray hair show. Go out without makeup every once in a while.

Whatever form your “boldness” takes, make those decisions confidently, not for the purpose of drawing attention to yourself (that’s not boldness; that’s narcissism), but to give others permission to make their own bold decisions. And when they do, you can cheer them on. Because caring about other people? Now that’s bold.

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