How to Live on One Income as a Family

2 Comments / Career, Lifestyle, Minimalism /
black envelope with cash dollars on marble table

During our almost 12 years of marriage, my husband and I have had a range of income levels.

We’ve lived on one income, two incomes, larger incomes and smaller ones.

We’ve lived in rentals and we’ve purchased 3 homes (not simultaneously).

But for several years of our marriage, we’ve lived off of one income. Many of those have been as a family of four.

We have been blessed to never experience true poverty or need, thank the Lord.

Perhaps you or your spouse are thinking of leaving your current job for personal or health reasons. Maybe you want to become a stay-at-home-parent. Or maybe you want to pursue a startup or open your own business.

There are several reasons you might be considering switching to one income. But you may be wondering, “Is it even possible?”

The answer is yes, it’s possible! And no, it does not require you to only eat Ramen noodles for the rest of your lives.

Sorry you get a bad rap, Ramen noodles. I actually happen to like you.

If you’re worried about making the switch, I’ve rounded up some helpful tips for you.

Important note: I don’t discuss debt in this article because it’s not about getting out of debt. This is how to downsize your living to fit one income. If you have substantial debt, I would recommend making that your top priority before making life-altering decisions.

Ready to find out what they are? Let’s dive in.

1. Set your priorities.

Life fact 101: You can’t do it all.

If you doubled your current income, you would still have limitations. We all do. Those limitations become more pronounced when your income shrinks.

Limitations are not bad, but they require choices. You have to say no to some things.

One of the most important things you can do to successfully live on one income is to set your priorities. Figure out where you want to spend your money.

I absolutely love to travel. Each trip is its own unique adventure. I fall in love with places faster than celebrities fall in love with each other. It’s ridiculous. But you know what?

Travel is expensive.

So I say no to manicures. I don’t color my hair. I buy the cheapest toothpaste I can find. My husband forgoes the NFL network (and he loves NFL football). We drive used cars for as long as they will work.

We make those choices because we would rather spend that money on travel. We never regret money spent on memories. So trips make the list when other things don’t.

Your list will look different than ours. Someone else’s list will look different than yours. And that’s a good thing.

Our spending reflects our priorities, so we should think through what those are and spend accordingly.

2. Set a budget.

You have to know what’s coming in and what’s going out to make informed decisions. The best way to do that is to have a budget and stick to it.

What if you’re not the kind of person who loves spreadsheets? That just means you’re not a nerd. (I’m joking. Some of my favorite people on this planet are ALL about the spreadsheets!)

If you aren’t a big data analyzer, that’s okay. Make it simple. Know what you have coming in and make a list of your fixed expenses (rent, phone bill, etc.). Estimate your variable expenses (groceries, utilities, etc.). Subtract. If you can’t make it on that amount, reduce expenses.

Many people like to use Dave Ramsey’s cash envelope system. We’ve done that in the past and liked it. It’s very concrete. If you are too loose with your card, I would recommend using it.

But whatever method you choose, a budget is a big part of making one income work.

3. Take advantage of free entertainment.

I loooove free entertainment for several reasons. First, it usually means you are getting outside. We need that Vitamin D.

Second, it usually involves some type of physical activity. Much healthier than staring at a screen.

Lastly, it usually involves conversation. Our family grows closer and builds memories with many of these activities.

So why wouldn’t you take advantage of free entertainment?

Here’s a short list of activities that are almost 100% free. The only money you might have to spend is a little gas money:

  • Visit the public library (one of my favorites)
  • Go to the public park
  • Run/walk around the neighborhood
  • Play tag or throw around a ball outside
  • Visit one of 400 free national parks (or a state park)
  • Visit free art exhibits at local colleges
  • Dance party at home listening to free music streaming service

4. Let go of others’ expectations.

This is a biggie. And it’s extremely difficult. When your coworker walks in with a new Apple watch or goes on a nice vacation or has their kids involved in 30 extra curricular activities, you start to feel that pull. That familiar pull of fitting in.

It is then you have to let go and remind yourself of what’s most important.

Ask yourself, “Can I still live a good life without this?” Most of the time, the answer is a resounding yes. The fact is, we aren’t going to remember most of our purchases. And the ones we do? Many of those we’ll ridicule.

Avocado green appliances. Wood paneled walls. Acid wash jeans. All the VHS tapes. Letterman jackets. Blonde tips. Butterfly clips and ice blue eyeshadow. CD-ROMs. Cropped sweaters. Crocs.

Some of these are actually still a thing. But trends never live forever. They die. Painful deaths.

We cannot live out our purpose while chasing other people’s lifestyles.

So let it go. Be different. And be okay with it.

5. Be generous with others.

It doesn’t matter what your income is, let me be extremely clear:

Generosity is an essential part of living a worthwhile life.

You will cheat yourself if you don’t give to others. And when you feel like you’re too poor to give, that’s the time you’ll benefit the most from it.

Giving makes us appreciate the sacrifices others have made for us. Giving connects us to other human beings and cultivates goodwill. Giving will improve our lives.

Now, what we can give might vary widely from person to person. But even if it’s a few dollars, giving to someone else will make you a better steward of your money (I realize giving is not just monetary thing, but it certainly includes it.).

Do you have tips for living off one income? Share those with me in the comments below!

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The Most Important Word to Help You Avoid Bad Decisions

Health, Lifestyle, Minimalism /
brown hourglass on brown wooden table

Just imagine:

You’ve had a rough week at work. You got into an argument with your spouse this morning, and now you’re coming down with a cold.

When you check your email, the first thing you see is a subject line, “SALE.”

You’ve been itching to get something new, and a sale is the perfect excuse.

But…

You’ve also been trying to save. And there’s that debt you want to pay off.

How do you resist the call of decisions that you want to make, but may not actually be the best for you?

Do you justify the decision to yourself?

I need this. One time is not a big deal.

Do you make false promises in exchange for the decision?

I won’t eat this ever again. After this, I’ll be super strict.

The Problem

If you struggle with those types of decisions, you’re certainly not alone. A quick look at some stats:

That list is not even close to being extensive. It also covers a wide range of issues. As humans, we have problems with making good decisions. We might struggle in different areas, but the fact remains:

We don’t like to say no.

A Solution

Now, you may be thinking, “Can one word actually address such a wide range of decisions?”

Yes. The word is simple. It’s one syllable. It’s unglamorous. And it’s powerful.

Ready for it?

Here it is:

Wait.

That’s it. A little anticlimactic, isn’t it? But simple doesn’t mean ineffective.

Think about this for a minute. If you’re experiencing a “craving” for something, could you hold off for 2 minutes? For 10 minutes? For 3 days?

Delayed gratification is an important skill. In 1972, researchers published what is now commonly referred to as The Marshmallow Experiment.

You’ve likely seen it if you’ve taken any psych classes. The children were placed in a room with a marshmallow on the table. The researcher promised the child a second marshmallow if they waited until the researcher returned to eat their first marshmallow.

It’s actually entertaining to see the children behave, well, like children. They squirm and wrestle with their own wills. Some wait the whole time, while others pop the marshmallow into their mouths without hesitation.

What was interesting was that the follow-up research showed how important delayed gratification is to a better life (read this fantastic article by James Clear about this topic).

We’re talking test scores, chances of substance abuse, stress responses, obesity, and more.

You want a better life? Learn to wait.

Waiting is a skill that can be learned.

You read that correctly. You can learn to wait. Some of us are naturally more adept at waiting than others, but we can all practice the skill and improve.

Practice makes perfect. But you’ll want to start with small steps. How can you do that?

Scenario #1: Let’s say you want to spend less time on your phone. One way to practice delayed gratification is to wait 30 minutes after waking before looking at your phone. If that seems like too much, wait 15 minutes. 10. Whatever you can do. Then push it up a minute each week. Small, incremental changes are less noticeable than big ones.

Scenario #2: Let’s say you want to spend less money impulsive. One way to practice delayed gratification is by looking backward. You think of previous impulse buys, and how long those purchases lasted. Inevitably, those purchases were a bust. You didn’t like the item, or it didn’t last long. Think about the hassle you went through to get rid of the item and the money wasted. Suddenly that shiny bauble doesn’t look so shiny anymore.

Scenario #3: Let’s say you are trying to eat healthy and there’s a huge slice of your favorite cake at work (or in my case, donuts). One way to practice delayed gratification is to distract yourself. Out of sight, out of mind. You can chew gum or drink some water. You can work on a project that you enjoy. Try to think of something else you can do that would be fun to trigger those happy feelings while you wait.

Waiting Does Not Diminish Worthy Pursuits

Not all decisions are “good” or “bad.” Some pursuits are worthy, wonderful pursuits, but now isn’t the right time. In those cases, waiting doesn’t diminish the joy of the pursuit. It enhances it.

Just like cheap canned rolls pale in comparison to freshly-baked croissants, the best things take time.

For example, buying a house is an exciting purchase. But a big, expensive one. You could go into crippling debt and buy a house now, or you could wait 5 years and save up for it. In 5 years, is that purchase still going to be exciting? You bet! And you’ll have the pride and satisfaction of having worked for it.

That’s a feeling you can’t buy. It must be earned.

This is important in relationships, too. You don’t stay married for 50 years without having to wait through a few bad ones. Jumping into intimacy has caused a lot of broken hearts for teenagers. Waiting is not on trend. It’s not modern. It’s ridiculed.

It’s still worth it.

Last thoughts

“Wait” is the barrier between your impulses and your dreams.

It’s that little word that gives you hope for the future. So pick something small. Do it today. Hurry up and wait. You’ll be glad you did.

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How to Think Better, Part 3: Understanding Ad Hominem and Straw Man

Education, Lifestyle /
woman looking at sunset

If you’re new to this series, you can catch up on the first two posts here and here.

We took a break from our “How to Think Better” series for a couple of weeks, but we’re back. Today we’re going to look at two very common logical fallacies: ad hominem and straw man arguments.

You’ve probably heard these terms a lot in political discussions. We’re so familiar with these terms, we might assume we are immune to them.

And yet, the question remains: If these fallacies are so ineffective, why are they so ubiquitous?

Perhaps people keep using them because they do, in fact, convince people? And that’s where our work begins.

Ad Hominem

This Latin phrase meaning, “to the man,” is an attack on the person. Here’s how this logical fallacy works:

Person A said something. Person A is a horrible, no good, very bad person. So what they said isn’t true.

Here’s the problem with that thinking. Sometimes bad people can make good claims, and sometimes good people can make bad claims.

Simple enough, right?

But there’s another version of this that’s extremely common in news articles.

Journalists are supposed to be objective, so they can’t go spouting their opinions willy nilly. What they can do, however, is quote others. So it goes like this:

Person A said something. Reporter quotes Person B, who says, “Person A is a liar, racist, socialist, [insert group]phobic, womanizer, spawn of Satan, etc.”

Reporter gets to claim objectivity while inserting a negative perception of Person A into the report.

Another scenario:

Person A says something. Reporter says, “Person A, who is a close ally of Person B (a horrible, no good, very bad person), said blah blah blah.”

In this case, the “objective” reporter is linking Person A to a “bad person,” Person B, in order to discredit Person A’s statements.

Here’s the thing:

This logical fallacy isn’t exclusive to one news organization or political party. It’s used every day by people across the political spectrum. It’s used by people in workplace arguments. It’s used by people in religious discussions. It’s everywhere.

And we don’t have to fall for it.

Next time you see an Ad Hominem attack, filter it. Ignore it. Realize it’s faulty logic. If that person’s point is valid, there is a sound, logical pathway to their conclusion. And the Ad hominem attack isn’t it.

Straw Man

Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling like you were speaking a different language from the other person?

It happens. Communication can be difficult.

Sometimes, though, it’s the result of a straw man fallacy. This happens when a person misrepresents an argument to make it easier to destroy.

This fallacy is employed more frequently when someone’s main goal is to win the argument. Sometimes this is intentional. Sometimes this is subconscious.

Okay, we’re gonna get into some controversial topics here. I’m not supporting or arguing against any opinions (in this post). The point is simply to recognize faulty arguments.

Examples:

Opinion #1: I choose to wear a mask to be cautious and protect others around me.

Response #1: The government shouldn’t be able to force people to wear masks.

Opinion #2: The data does not prove lockdowns work.

Response #2: You don’t care about others’ health and are willing to put them at risk by not staying at home.

Okay. These two opinions are very common. I’m not arguing for or against their validity.

These responses, however, are straw man fallacies.

How’s that?

Both responses mischaracterize the opinion and then attack the distorted version.

Let’s try these opinions again, this time with a better response:

Opinion#1: I choose to wear a mask to be cautious and protect others around me.

Response #1: I appreciate you wanting to protect others. I question the efficacy of mask-wearing. Here’s why…

Opinion #2: The data does not prove lockdowns work.

Response #2: Can you show me what data you’re using? I think lockdowns could potentially be beneficial. Here’s why…

Using a straw man fallacy is sort of like being an argument bully. Instead of debating the actual idea, a person can pick an easy target and beat up on it to make themselves look or feel better.

Let’s not score cheap points by debating a ghost. Thinking through ideas is not for the intellectually lazy. We have to put in the work.

We’ve looked at a few common logical fallacies, but there are numerous others. By being on guard, you can spot these fallacies more easily.

And then you can respond with better thinking.

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Why I’m Not Buying an Easter Dress This Year

Holidays, Minimalism, Parenting /
woman wearing white dress and white high heeled shoes while walking on sidewalk

Easter is coming, and it’s a big deal around here. This Sunday comes with religious, sartorial and cultural significance.

Egg hunts, lavish dinners, special worship services, and a feeling of new beginnings surround this springtime holiday.

And pretty clothes.

Stores are pushing their best Easter sales. Inboxes are full of ads with cheesy titles like, “Hopping Easter Deals!”

Mothers everywhere are in a frenzy trying to find coordinating outfits that will make their Easter family photos passable.

Perhaps one of those mothers will succeed where I failed. Miserably. We actually have an Easter photo wall of shame.

Regardless, the tradition of buying new clothes for Easter goes back quite a ways. Hats, gloves, lace, and lots of ruffles have made an appearance over the years.

My sisters and I circa 1989

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to get something new. It’s a tradition for many people. Traditions are not bad.

But traditions can change. Traditions aren’t law. Traditions only carry the importance we assign to them. What if we did something different?

This year, I let my daughters pick which dress they wanted to wear. They both chose red and black dresses… so basically winter dresses.

That’s okay. They’re happy with their choices. We didn’t have to undergo a stressful shopping trip or risk an uncertain online purchase. We didn’t have to buy them another dress they don’t need.

I won’t have to fight them to wear a dress they hate to appease their mother. And they won’t ask me years later, “Why did you dress me in such a hideous dress?! What did you do to me?”

I can completely pass the blame on that one. “It’s what you wanted,” will be my reply. Of course, I realize they might question me letting them make the choice. Oh, well. Making decisions means being second guessed.

But even without new dresses this year? I’m pretty certain we’ll have lots of happy memories from this Easter weekend.

Besides, how many times do our plans go smoothly anyway? I’ve spent multiple Easter afternoons in the hospital visiting a sick loved one.

We’ve had to move egg hunts indoors when it rained.

Sometimes people have to eat out after burning the food.

Life happens. And the memories don’t have to be put on the back shelf because our clothes aren’t new.

If you want to don your newest and brightest outfit this Sunday? Go for it! Enjoy the newness. There’s zero judgment here.

But if you’d rather wear something less than new, there’s nothing wrong with that, either.

In fact, you might find your day is just as special without a new outfit. You might even make some memories with people you love.

And that’s a treasure worth finding.

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How to Have a Cozy Minimalist Home

Lifestyle, Minimalism, Uncategorized /
opened book on white cloth near dandelion flowers

This week we’re taking a break from our “How to Think Better” series. You can catch up on those posts here and here.

I’m sitting here on a rainy day, and all I want to do is curl up with a good book and warm blanket.

I’m a fan of Hygge, the Danish concept that was all the rage a couple of years ago. It’s basically the word for coziness, comfort, and wellness. Those all sound nice, right?

But here’s the thing:

I’m also a minimalist.

And the image that comes to mind for most people when I say that word is an empty room of stark, white walls and sharp edges.

There’s nothing cozy about that.

So the question is, how do we can we have a minimalist, cozy home? Check out these tips to bring the best of both of these worlds into your home:

1. Use natural woods and warm colors.

Remember about 10 years ago when everyone decided to paint all the walls gray?

Now, I’m not knocking gray. I don’t have anything against gray.

But maybe we should dial it down a bit. Like 100 notches or so.

Using warm neutrals and natural wood is a great way to bring some warmth into your space.

2. Incorporate small touches.

Plants. Books. A throw blanket. A couple of pillows. A little goes a long way.

The key, though, is to keep it limited. This is difficult because we can easily justify just one more pillow/blanket/plant, etc. It’s only a few dollars and it’s so cute. Right?

It’s all fun and games until your house looks like a picked over thrift store.

In order for an item to get inside the house, it has to meet some criteria. Is it comfortable or useful? Is it in line with the aesthetic I want to achieve? Will it last? Can I swap something else out for it?

Using these guidelines can help add comfort while avoiding unnecessary clutter.

3. Have a very select few conversation pieces.

You don’t need your life history to vomit itself all over your walls, but a few pieces can help.

Keyword is few. If you want to see walls plastered with memorabilia, go to Cracker Barrel.

If you have a photo from one of your favorite trips, you might choose that. If you have a funky piece of art that someone gave you, you might display it.

For instance, my sister has a giant wooden fork and spoon on her kitchen wall. It’s a set my mother had for years, and she was all to happy to give them a new home. Now my sister has a conversation piece that reminds her of our amazing mother.

Bonus? She also has utensils ready if a giant comes to visit.

4. Be someone who others want to be around.

Will you do a thought experiment with me?

Think back to your fondest memories as a child. Think about the places and homes you were so excited to visit. Think about what you were doing in those homes.

What made those memories special? Was it because the house was decorated so beautifully or had the most expensive furniture? Was it because of all the things in the house?

Or was it because of the people?

When I think back to my fondest memories as a child, they are special because of WHO is in them, not WHAT is in them.

I remember playing games with friends and family in hot, cramped, outdated living rooms.

I remember sitting around a kitchen table with a card table shoved up against it so everyone could sit.

I remember shag carpets and ugly furniture and wood paneling and pitiful fake florals.

And it was the best.

You see, if you really want people to feel comfortable in your home, you don’t need the nicest stuff. Because stuff doesn’t make up memories, anyway. People do.

Focus on the people, and the rest will take care of itself.

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How to Think Better: Understanding Bandwagon and Appeals to Authority

Education /
clear light bulb placed on chalkboard

If you missed the first post on How to Think Better, you can read it here.

Have you noticed any false dilemmas or false dichotomies over this week? I’ve seen several… today…. and it’s 9:00 in the morning.

There are logical fallacies everywhere.

Why does it matter, Kelly?!

It matters because people make a lot of decisions based on faulty information. Those decisions could lead to disastrous consequences.

If I make parenting decisions based on a false dilemma (i.e., I give my child everything she wants or I don’t love her), I’m going to be a terrible parent.

That’s how we got Veruca Salt.

Today we’re going to look at two more common breakdowns in thinking. While you’re likely familiar with these terms, we’re going to look at how they’re disguised in newspeak.

Ready? Let’s get started:

Bandwagon

“If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do it, too?”

Ah, that classic “mom question” about not following the crowd. We’re above that now. We’re grownups, for crying out loud! We know better than to do or say something just because everyone else is.

Hahahahahaha

How cute.

We’re still susceptible to bandwagon thinking, but it’s dressed up differently now. Now we see words like, “consensus,” and, “trend.”

While these “trends” can sometimes be harmless, they can also wreak havoc.

I’m looking at you, mullets.

If an idea is accepted by a lot of people, that has zero bearing on the idea’s validity. The idea could be true (e.g., the world is spherical), or it could be false (e.g., the earth is the center of the universe).

The number of people who agree doesn’t have any relevance.

When you see this idea presented in headlines and friends’ well-meaning posts, you are not going to see something like, “Believe me! I’m telling the truth because a lot of people think I am!”

No, you’ll see phrases like, “scientists agree” or “the consensus is…” These phrases may be chosen on purpose, or they may be chosen subconsciously.

Either way, we have to recognize them for what they are: glitches in sound logic.

But that’s not the only fallacy we’ll look at today. Next up?

Appeals to Authority

This one has a little more nuance to it. An appeal to authority, sometimes called an argument from authority, is when someone uses an authority’s thoughts as evidence for an argument.

“My grandpa used to think [insert opinion here], and if it was good enough for him, then it’s good enough for me.”

In that example, the person is using their grandfather’s opinion to justify their own opinion. Grandpa is the authority they are referencing.

But this appeal is not confined to family members. Not by a long shot.

Let’s revisit that phrase, “scientists agree.” In that phrase, not only do we see bandwagon, but we also find an appeal to authority. In this case? The authority is the scientists.

If you want a fun little project, go visit a news network website. See if you can find the phrase, “experts say” in one of their headlines.

(I actually visited two well-known news sites, each with a different political lean. I found that exact phrase on both.)

But wait!

There is a big caveat here.

When two people agree on the source of authority, they can reason together consistently.

For instance, if two Christians are discussing a doctrinal point, and they both believe in the infallibility of the Bible, then they can and should use that as their source of authority.

On the other hand, a Christian and a Muslim cannot use their respective sacred texts as authority with the other, because neither one views the other’s text as authoritative. They have to start somewhere else and go from there.

If you want to discuss something with someone, you both have to agree where your authority comes from, or the discussion will eventually be thwarted.

But hey, if you enjoying banging your head against a wall, go for it.

So what?

If you can recognize bandwagon and appeals to authority, you’re halfway there.

It’s one thing to memorize a logic term for a test in school, but it’s another to recognize it and understand when it’s being used.

And trust me, it’s being used a lot. I’m an expert on the matter, in fact. A lot of people say so. (See what I did there?)

Here’s to your week being full of health and sound thinking.

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How to Think Better: Understanding False Dichotomy

2 Comments / Education /
men, thinking, man

Do you remember the dress controversy a few years ago on social media? You know, the one where no one could agree if the dress was blue/black or white/gold?

That controversy brought out some cracks in my marital relationship. Just kidding. We did debate vigorously about it, though.

Turns out, the dress was black/blue. To this day, when I see that photo, it registers in my brain as white/gold.

I was fully convicted of my perception. I argued eloquently and fiercely (at least in my head). I knew I was right.

But I was wrong.

What does this have to do with thinking? A lot, actually.

You see, even though I had a certain perception, that perception did not match the independent reality that existed outside of my perception.

Truth exists, and we can be wrong.

Now, that statement might inflame plenty of fancy pants smart people who don’t like definitive statements.

I would tell those people to go jump off a cliff.

I don’t mean I want them to go hurt themselves. If you’re a fancy pants smart person who is reading this, please don’t hurt yourself.

I’m just pointing out that gravity doesn’t care about our perceptions. There are truths, like the laws of physics, that don’t change from person to person.

One truth is that not all thinking is good. There is some bad thinking out there. A lot, in fact.

Let me give you a fictional scenario. Let’s see if you can find the bad thinking in this scenario:

I cook my husband dinner. I make soup. He’s eaten this type before and loves it. He sits down and begins eating. A minute later, he pushes away his bowl. I ask him, “Why don’t you like my cooking?”

“It’s not that,” he replies.

“Yes, it is,” I argue. “If you don’t eat all of your dinner, that must mean you don’t like my cooking! I worked so hard to make this meal and you won’t even finish it.” An argument ensues.

Did you notice it? In this imaginary situation, I was guilty of presenting a false dichotomy. Sometimes this is called a false dilemma.

But… what is a false dichotomy?

It’s a logical fallacy that only gives two choices when there are other possibilities.

In the scenario, I am making my husband choose between eating all his food or condemning my cooking. In reality, there are lots of other options. He could have a stomach bug. He could be full from lunch. I could have used an ingredient that had gone bad without realizing it.

Any of those causes could explain his reaction to the meal. None of those include my cooking abilities.

We understand how this works on a personal level. If your child asks you to buy a book, saying no doesn’t mean you don’t value reading. You can have a lot of reasons to say no. In that situation, you understand that your child is trying to manipulate you.

But for some reason, we don’t fight fairly with other adults. We are bombarded with false dichotomies, or we are guilty of presenting them to others.

Nowhere do we see more false dichotomies than in political and religious debates. I say debates, because we are more disciplined with our thought processes when we aren’t emotionally charged.

It’s like our brains go from Bruce Banner to “Hulk, SMASH!” when we start arguing.

We aren’t interested in having logical, rational thought. We are only interested in destroying the opponent.

And that’s the exact time when we need our best thinking.

So, what do we do?

We learn to recognize false dichotomies.

If you’re unsure, one good question to ask is, “Is there another possibility here that I may not be considering?” Sometimes, people use a false dichotomy as an honest mistake. Many times, they use them for the same reason as your child: they’re trying to manipulate you.

False dichotomies are dangerous because they allow us to make villains of people while ignoring nuance and individual choice.

We learn when to engage and when not to engage.

If a discussion is going to be emotionally charged and unlikely to change anyone’s mind (so basically, every argument on social media), we might find a better way to discuss the topic or simply choose not to engage.

One example is to invite that person to discuss the topic in person or one-on-one instead of diving into the human sewer of a comments section.

We stop using false dichotomies ourselves.

It’s easier to find false dichotomies in others’ arguments than it is to examine our own thinking. But it’s necessary to promote better thought.

Am I forcing people to choose between two extremes? Can I disagree with a person’s point of view while also understanding their motivations? Do people have to completely agree with me or with another person I view as superior?

These are questions we have to ask ourselves to train our thoughts.

We’ll continue in this series with some other ways we can “think better” by examining common logical fallacies. Other than memorizing a random list of fallacies in English class, many people aren’t taught how to think properly and logically.

But we don’t have to surrender to bad thinking.

We can think better.

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1 Simple Way to Help Children Clean Up Before Bed

Minimalism, Parenting, toys /
baby, playing, toy cars

Wouldn’t it be great if our homes cleaned themselves?

No more dishes. No more laundry. No more sweeping or mopping.

A girl can dream, right?

Unfortunately, having a clean home does not happen automatically. It happens through consistent effort.

Now, make no mistake: I am not implying you should have a spotless, perfectly clean home. Nope. Not at all. If you doubt me, you should look at my laundry room right now.

What I am saying is if you would like to have a cleaner home, and your children are a major obstacle to that, then I have a strategy for you to try.

And trust me, my children are no exception.

Last night, my daughter dropped bandaid trash on the floor. On purpose.

Why?

Just because she didn’t feel like walking five steps to put it in a trash can.

No kidding.

Obviously, Mr. and I made her pick it up and throw it away, with an expression on our faces that said, “What is wrong with you, child?!”

Or, for my fellow Southerners, “Were you born in a barn?”

But there is one thing that has helped us with our mini humans and their predilection for messiness.

It’s simple. It’s no-prep. It’s not fancy or flashy. It’s not a trend.

Ready? Here it is:

Put everything in its home at night.

The concept makes sense, right? Since Mr. is a coach, our family spends a lot of evenings at the gym. Sometimes, those evenings can run late. Since I’m getting old, I like to go to bed early. When I’m tired, I don’t just sleep on the bleachers. I don’t make a pallet in the gym floor.

Why not?

That would be weird.

I go home, and then I go to bed. If I’m not at home, I don’t go to sleep yet.

Our children understand this. So it’s easy for them to understand that their toys have to go home for the night. Their toys cannot “sleep” out in the cold, on the floor. They have to go back to their dwelling place.

Now, this phrase is not a magical wand. It’s just a framework to help them understand why they should put away their belongings.

But what if not all their belongings have a home?

And that’s where the work begins. We have a finite amount of space in our home, and while I know there are lots of clever space-saving devices and cabinets and thingamajigs, I am not personally interested in purchasing all of those.

I want easy access to my things. If we don’t have a home for a toy, they have to “evict” something to make room for it. This process is extremely easy for them.

Honestly? It usually means they’re swapping out one piece of junk toy for another piece of junk toy. But hey, that’s okay, because I never actually increase the number of piece of junk toys present in my home.

It stays relatively constant.

And when I say, “Put your toy home for the night,” they know where it goes. Perfecto!

So there you have it. If your children have too many toys as of now, you could have a “find a home” party, where they get to choose a new place for their toys.

It’s like House Hunters, except no one around here has a budget of $800,000.

Hopefully you can use this analogy to make cleaning your home a slightly smoother process.

And if all else fails, just sit in your messy living room and watch another episode of House Hunters.

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One Week of a Capsule Pantry + Recipe Links

food & cooking, Health, Minimalism /
grapes, bunch, fruit

Note to self: Don’t start a capsule pantry the week your region gets hit with snowmaggedon.

What a week! We Southerners are not built for heavy snow. I didn’t go to the store for two weeks.

Two weeks, y’all.

Since I was stuck at home in a ridiculous amount of layers, my capsule pantry week took a small hit. But no worries! I was still able to make use of the ingredients and assemble recipes, observations, and other tips to help you edit your pantry.

Ready? Let’s get started.

Just to recap, here were the ingredients I chose for my capsule pantry:

  • Protein: Black beans, eggs, protein powder (optional)
  • Starches: Sweet potatoes & rice
  • Greens: Spinach & Romaine lettuce
  • Veggies: Red bell peppers, broccoli, carrots, onion
  • Liquids: Broth (veggie or chicken), almond milk
  • Fruits: Bananas, frozen blueberries
  • Fats: Olive oil, Peanut Butter

So, what do you eat with just those ingredients?

Turns out, there are several dishes you can make with that list. Here’s a breakdown of meals with recipes:

Breakfast

Veggie Omelet

This veggie omelet recipe is simple and nutritious. I swapped out the butter for olive oil, and I only used red bell peppers (normally I would use both red and green).

Kelly’s Sleepyhead Smoothie

This is my favorite, go-to smoothie for busy mornings. Or lazy mornings. Any morning, really. Here’s what you need:

  • 1/2 cup frozen blueberries
  • 1 cup loosely packed spinach, fresh or frozen
  • 1 Tbsp peanut butter
  • 1/2 to 1 scoop protein powder (I use Vega chocolate, but you can use whatever type you want)
  • 1 cup almond milk

Simply blend everything in a high-powered blender and drink up!

Entrées

These entrées can be used for lunch and/or dinner. I like to make a recipe for dinner and eat the leftovers for next day’s lunch. Some of these recipes have links, and some have easy to follow directions underneath.

Note: These recipes will be modified to fit the ingredient list. I would normally add more (cheese, nuts, etc.), but we’re keeping it extra simple, people!

Modified Bibimbap Bowl

Bibimbap bowls, or Korean beef and veggie rice bowls, are great for getting all the food groups in one yummy dish. This version is definitely pared down and not as authentic, but it still packs a highly nutritious punch and tastes great.

  • 1 cup long-grain rice (I’ve used jasmine, white, or brown)
  • 2 cups broth
  • 1 large carrot, grated or cut julienne style
  • 1 head of broccoli, cut into florets
  • garlic powder, ginger, salt, pepper to taste
  • olive oil
  • 1 cup fresh spinach
  • 1 egg per person

Put rice, ginger, and 2 cups broth in saucepan (you can also use water). Bring to boil, then reduce heat to low and cover. Simmer for 20 minutes, until rice has absorbed the liquid. Heat olive oil in skillet on medium heat and cook spinach, seasoning with salt and pepper and garlic powder. Once wilted and cooked, set aside. Repeat with broccoli. Set aside. Fry the eggs to desired doneness (I like sunny side up). Place rice in bowl and top with spinach, broccoli, and raw carrots. Place fried egg on top. You can add soy sauce if you have it.

*This recipe usually has a soy based sauce with it. I omitted it for the recipe, but it tastes better with the sauce. I also usually cook the rice in water, but since I was eliminating the flavor of the sauce, I went with broth to infuse more flavor.

Roasted Veggie Pan

So simple and so good! Preheat oven to 400°F (204°C). Line a baking sheet with foil (yay for fewer dishes!). Slice bell pepper, onion, and carrots. Break broccoli into florets. Toss veggies with olive oil and season with salt and pepper. Bake for 18 minutes.

Southwest Stuffed Sweet Potatoes (omitted ingredients not in capsule pantry)

Fruity Spinach Salad

Toss spinach with blueberries, hard boiled eggs, and your favorite dressing.

Sweet Potato Skillet

This is a modified version of a Whole30® Master recipe, but it is most definitely not Whole30®. Just want you to be aware!

  • 2-3 sweet potatoes
  • Black beans (1- 15 oz can or 1.5 cups cooked beans)
  • Taco seasoning (packet or homemade)
  • Olive oil

Wash, peel, and dice 2-3 sweet potatoes. Heat 1 Tbsp cooking oil over medium heat in skillet. Cook sweet potatoes until fork tender. Add black beans and taco seasoning. Stir to combine. If needed, add a small drizzle of olive oil. Let simmer for 5 minutes or until beans are heated through. Serve.

Spinach Omelet (omitted tomatoes)

Egg Salad Lettuce wrap

Using this homemade olive oil mayo recipe, I made egg salad. For a good simple egg salad recipe, click here. I took the egg salad and wrapped it in Romaine lettuce leaves. This would be good to make in batches for lunch.

Snacks

Roasted Bell Peppers

Baby Carrots

Bananas & peanut butter

Simple smoothie

1 cup almond milk with 1 scoop protein powder, blend in high-powered blender

What I Noticed

This was not as hard as I thought it would be, but the challenge was making sure I had enough protein. I tried to get protein in every meal, but there were some that just didn’t have much. It would have been easier with meat, but I wanted this to be vegetarian friendly and cost-effective. And meat is expensive!

I did use Dijon mustard a couple of times (egg salad, dressing base for salad), so I would add that to the list. I just happened to have some on hand.

Tips for Building Your Capsule Pantry

If you want to have a capsule pantry, you have to be prepared to do two things: cook and eat leftovers.

Try having a “theme” for the week. For instance, I might make a lot of southwestern dishes one week. These dishes use a lot of the same ingredients, so my grocery list is smaller and more efficient.

Cook in batches. Since having a compact pantry means more cooking, make your time count by cooking large recipes and then eating them for several meals. Or, cook a large amount of a recipe part (e.g. a large pot of rice) that can be used for different dishes. Just make sure to store food properly.

Finally, if you absolutely hate cooking, but you also don’t want to waste food, I might suggest trying out a meal service. There are oodles of meal services out there. Just select one that has good reviews and recipes and doesn’t bust the budget. I’ve used these before when my schedule was hectic, and I liked them. I still recreate a lot of the recipes.

Your pantry doesn’t have to look a certain way or be a certain size, but hopefully by experimenting you will realize just how little it takes to make a good meal.

Bon appétit!

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How to Deal with Burnout

Career, Health, Lifestyle /

The only people on the planet who do not suffer burnout are children… while they are being tossed into the air by an adult.

“Again! Again!”

No. Not again. My arms are jelly.

For the rest of us, we deal with burnout from time to time. It can be from a hobby, a career, or even a relationship. When that mental fatigue hits, it’s difficult to press on.

But what can you do about it?

If you’re dealing with burnout, try these strategies to help overcome the frustration:

Remember your purpose

Our current life situation is a combination of external circumstances and our own choices. If you are burned out with your career, your passion, or even a relationship, turn back the clock and remember.

Why did you make the choice to go into that field?

Why did you decide to marry that person?

The most important things are not exempt from bad times, but they should survive bad times.

They can only do that if we remember our purpose. My purpose exists beyond the day-to-day. My purpose is higher than the temporary. My purpose is more important than now.

Burnout screams, “Look at the trees!” Purpose whispers, “Remember the forest.”

Listen to that whisper. Hold on and hold out for your purpose.

Hit the pause button

Sometimes the way to solve burnout is simply to take a break.

Burnout can feel like you’re drowning. If that is so, it’s okay to come up for some air.

Do you have some vacation time? Take a day off.

Have you been going nonstop with a project? Take the weekend.

Have you been with your kids at home nonstop due to COVID/weather/homeschooling/etc.? It’s okay to institute downtime. We call it “quiet time” in our house.

And it’s glorious.

Taking a break can give you the rest and recharge you need to keep going. Hit that pause button without guilt so you can get back to it full-strength.

Make it fun

There’s nothing to give you a boost of energy like having fun. In fact, research says that our brains function more optimally when we play. The play theorist Brian Sutton-Smith said, “The opposite of play is not work- it is depression.”

If you are experiencing burnout, look for ways to incorporate play.

You may be asking, how am I supposed to do that?

One word: games.

Putting away the groceries with the kids? Boring. Playing a game of how many items we can toss in an assembly line from the bag to the fridge without dropping anything? Fun!

Making cold calls for a business? Nightmare. Seeing how many rejections you can get in one hour? Less of a nightmare.

Okay, maybe that was a bad example. But you get the point.

Having some fun by incorporating play can go a long way to making a situation bearable and even, dare I say it, enjoyable.

Make a change

Sometimes the reason we deal with burnout is that we need to move on.

Life is not static. I don’t wear the same clothes I wore when I was twelve (you’re welcome, world).

Why?

Because things have changed. Those clothes would not be appropriate anymore, either in terms of fashion or size.

I firmly believe in fighting to keep those things that are most dear to us (faith, marriage, family), but almost everything else falls outside that category.

We may find that making a change does not mean abandoning our values but actually living them.

If you’ve tried all the other strategies on the list and they haven’t worked, you might need to make a change.

If you’ve found yourself justifying why you can’t try the other strategies (“I can’t take a day off”), you might need to make a change.

If you are burned out right now, there’s hope. There’s a way forward, and hopefully you can find it by using one of these strategies.

Have you ever dealt with burnout? Share your thoughts in the comments!

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