The fear of missing out, or FOMO, is real. Don’t believe me? Look at your phone. How many notifications are on there? Photos? We have streaming services with recording options so we don’t miss watching a show. Social media exists. We have multiple news channels dedicated to 24/7 news.
FOMO isn’t just real, it’s an epidemic.
No one really likes to admit they have a fear of missing out. At least, not by judging how many memes there are on “living in the moment.” Or some similar platitude. And yet, how many times have we missed out on actual conversations because we were afraid of missing out on virtual conversations?
I’m guilty.
So how do we embrace the idea of “missing out”? How do we accept the possibility of being left out, even if it means living a better life? Here are some easy ways to help treat FOMO:
Repeat me: You can’t have it all.
Does that sound defeatist? Maybe so. But embracing that unpleasant reality can actually help us lead more focused lives. Everything we do involves a trade-off.
That actress who seems to never age? She most likely traded a lot of time and money for that look. That person who is at the top of their career? They traded a lot of other opportunities to get there. That celebrity who is always in the “hottest relationship” of the year? They have to sacrifice familial stability and a LOT of privacy for that new fling.
No one has it all. But some have the most important things. The difference? Priorities. You have to do a deep dive and decide what your priorities really are.
We like to say generic things like health or family. Those are certainly noble priorities, but are we willing to sacrifice to get them? Am I willing to give up time on my phone so I can fully invest in my family? Am I willing to give up soda or get up early to exercise before work?
If our professed priorities don’t line up with our habits, then we are living in a state of disconnect. That’s a great way to stay frustrated.
By accepting that we can’t have it all, we can get down to figuring out what those most important things are. Then work toward those, and the rest is just the proverbial icing on the cake.
Play “worst case scenario.”
My father used to do this exercise with me, and it really helped when I felt overwhelmed. I would be worried about “what if” scenarios and get myself worked up. Anxious.
He would stop me and ask, “Let’s assume you’re right. So then what?”
I would go through the worst case scenario. Most of the time, I realized the worst case wasn’t really all that bad. I could live with it. When you know you can handle the worst, you gain confidence moving forward.
So what if you miss out on that event? What will really happen if you forget to wish someone a Happy Birthday because you weren’t on Facebook that day? Is your workplace going to collapse if you don’t work late today? Are you going to be cast aside as a social pariah if you don’t buy that ceramic pumpkin from Hobby Lobby?
Most likely, your world will continue. And that means you don’t have to worry about missing out. Because you’re not missing out on that much anyway.
Remind yourself of the benefits.
Life choices are not always clear. It’s not like we walk around thinking, “Should I help this old lady across the street or steal candy from a child?”
Many times we have to choose between good options! It’s a great problem to have. But it can leave us feeling guilty. Something had to give.
But it is in those times we can go back to our priorities and remind ourselves of what we’re gaining by making a choice. I like to use this sentence frame when I have to choose between good things:
“By choosing ____, I’m gaining ______. Even though I wanted ______, it’s not the most important thing right now.”
Do we want to spend time with friends or work on our thesis? Do we want to volunteer for others or spend time with family? Do we want to help out by working overtime or do we want to go to the gym and exercise?
These choices are not between bad and good. These choices are between better and best. Decide what is best, make the choice, and let go of the guilt.
“Is this going to matter in 5 years?”
Who won the Super Bowl 5 years ago? What was the top news story 5 years ago? What did you eat for dinner 2 nights ago?
Even though we desperately cling to the past through photos, memorabilia, and stories, the hard truth is that we forget easily. Things that seem so important to us now become so insignificant in a short time. When we’re having trouble with FOMO, we can ask ourselves if it will matter in 5 years.
Most of the time, the answer is no. I don’t want to miss out on the “big things.” But those things I’ll forget in a week? I can miss those.
Fear of missing out is real, and it’s a struggle. But with a few mental strategies, we can deal with it. We might even realize that we’re not really missing out. We’re choosing to live with purpose, and our lives are better for it.