Just imagine:
You’ve had a rough week at work. You got into an argument with your spouse this morning, and now you’re coming down with a cold.
When you check your email, the first thing you see is a subject line, “SALE.”
You’ve been itching to get something new, and a sale is the perfect excuse.
But…
You’ve also been trying to save. And there’s that debt you want to pay off.
How do you resist the call of decisions that you want to make, but may not actually be the best for you?
Do you justify the decision to yourself?
I need this. One time is not a big deal.
Do you make false promises in exchange for the decision?
I won’t eat this ever again. After this, I’ll be super strict.
The Problem
If you struggle with those types of decisions, you’re certainly not alone. A quick look at some stats:
- This article estimates that 45 million Americans go on a diet each year.
- The average credit card debt for American households is $6,270.
- The average mortgage debt in the U.S. is $215,655.
- The APA cites a study that says over 40% of divorces involve infidelity.
- 15 million Americans exhibit signs of gambling addiction.
That list is not even close to being extensive. It also covers a wide range of issues. As humans, we have problems with making good decisions. We might struggle in different areas, but the fact remains:
We don’t like to say no.
A Solution
Now, you may be thinking, “Can one word actually address such a wide range of decisions?”
Yes. The word is simple. It’s one syllable. It’s unglamorous. And it’s powerful.
Ready for it?
Here it is:
Wait.
That’s it. A little anticlimactic, isn’t it? But simple doesn’t mean ineffective.
Think about this for a minute. If you’re experiencing a “craving” for something, could you hold off for 2 minutes? For 10 minutes? For 3 days?
Delayed gratification is an important skill. In 1972, researchers published what is now commonly referred to as The Marshmallow Experiment.
You’ve likely seen it if you’ve taken any psych classes. The children were placed in a room with a marshmallow on the table. The researcher promised the child a second marshmallow if they waited until the researcher returned to eat their first marshmallow.
It’s actually entertaining to see the children behave, well, like children. They squirm and wrestle with their own wills. Some wait the whole time, while others pop the marshmallow into their mouths without hesitation.
What was interesting was that the follow-up research showed how important delayed gratification is to a better life (read this fantastic article by James Clear about this topic).
We’re talking test scores, chances of substance abuse, stress responses, obesity, and more.
You want a better life? Learn to wait.
Waiting is a skill that can be learned.
You read that correctly. You can learn to wait. Some of us are naturally more adept at waiting than others, but we can all practice the skill and improve.
Practice makes perfect. But you’ll want to start with small steps. How can you do that?
Scenario #1: Let’s say you want to spend less time on your phone. One way to practice delayed gratification is to wait 30 minutes after waking before looking at your phone. If that seems like too much, wait 15 minutes. 10. Whatever you can do. Then push it up a minute each week. Small, incremental changes are less noticeable than big ones.
Scenario #2: Let’s say you want to spend less money impulsive. One way to practice delayed gratification is by looking backward. You think of previous impulse buys, and how long those purchases lasted. Inevitably, those purchases were a bust. You didn’t like the item, or it didn’t last long. Think about the hassle you went through to get rid of the item and the money wasted. Suddenly that shiny bauble doesn’t look so shiny anymore.
Scenario #3: Let’s say you are trying to eat healthy and there’s a huge slice of your favorite cake at work (or in my case, donuts). One way to practice delayed gratification is to distract yourself. Out of sight, out of mind. You can chew gum or drink some water. You can work on a project that you enjoy. Try to think of something else you can do that would be fun to trigger those happy feelings while you wait.
Waiting Does Not Diminish Worthy Pursuits
Not all decisions are “good” or “bad.” Some pursuits are worthy, wonderful pursuits, but now isn’t the right time. In those cases, waiting doesn’t diminish the joy of the pursuit. It enhances it.
Just like cheap canned rolls pale in comparison to freshly-baked croissants, the best things take time.
For example, buying a house is an exciting purchase. But a big, expensive one. You could go into crippling debt and buy a house now, or you could wait 5 years and save up for it. In 5 years, is that purchase still going to be exciting? You bet! And you’ll have the pride and satisfaction of having worked for it.
That’s a feeling you can’t buy. It must be earned.
This is important in relationships, too. You don’t stay married for 50 years without having to wait through a few bad ones. Jumping into intimacy has caused a lot of broken hearts for teenagers. Waiting is not on trend. It’s not modern. It’s ridiculed.
It’s still worth it.
Last thoughts
“Wait” is the barrier between your impulses and your dreams.
It’s that little word that gives you hope for the future. So pick something small. Do it today. Hurry up and wait. You’ll be glad you did.