“The first and greatest victory is to conquer self.” -Plato, Laws
You know those people who have a natural will of iron? They can make themselves take on almost any unpleasant or difficult task?
I am not one of those people.
We are all made with different personalities. We each have our own strengths, weaknesses, and quirks.
For some of us, exercising self-discipline in one area or another might be a challenge. Just like clay that has to be shaped and molded, so do our own wills. Here are some tips to help you build your self-discipline:
Make your bed.
You may be asking:
How is making my bed going to help me meet my goals?
Choosing to make your bed every day is to decide to do something you likely don’t want to for the benefit of having done it.
No one else will see it. There is no “gold star” or extrinsic reward for making your bed.
Much like many of the small steps we have to take in order to reach a goal.
If you pass on the donuts at work? No one is going to congratulate you. You don’t instantly drop 5 pounds, either (Seriously, wouldn’t that be great, though?!).
It’s a decision with no immediate extrinsic reward. In order to have self-control, those are the very type of decisions you have to make on a daily basis.
This doesn’t apply just to dieting, either. It can apply to almost anything. Spiritual growth, intellectual development, sports, physical health. All of it.
Developing self-control requires depriving self of reward in the short term. So start each day by doing just that. Make your bed, and set the right tone for the day.
Start small.
We all have those hurdles that seem insurmountable. No matter how hard we try, we just can’t seem to overcome it. After a while, those failed attempts add up and make the hurdle that much bigger.
But here’s the secret:
You don’t have to start with that hurdle.
It’s true. Picking easier battles will help give you the confidence to tackle that beast of a goal.
Think of it like a training ground. Much like a child uses training wheels on a bike or a tee in baseball, you have to develop the muscle memory first.
Practicing self-discipline in areas that are more natural to you can help you develop that self-discipline muscle memory.
Then, when you’re ready, you can use that self-control in areas that are more difficult.
Focus on the benefits.
We are complicated creatures. Our whims and our desires are constantly in battle with our greater good.
And yet, we know that to be ruled by our passions is a really good way to be miserable.
When those destructive whims rear their ugly heads, remind yourself of the benefit of discipline. Here are just a few:
- Being self-disciplined means I can live how I really want to live.
- Being self-disciplined gives me freedom from my circumstances.
- Being self-disciplined means I have more options for my future.
- Being self-disciplined means I can become the person I want to be.
- Being self-disciplined allows me to live in confidence versus fear.
Of course, there’s always my favorite, “I am going to be so glad I did this.” It’s a simple statement, but it works.
Use affirmative statements.
So much of our identity is wrapped up in our self-talk. Our inner dialogue is powerful.
You try. You fail. You associate your failure with your identity (“Why do I always do this to myself?”). You beat yourself up. You try again. You fear failure because of your negative self-talk. You fail again. You start the whole cycle over again.
Sound familiar?
Reverse that cycle and start making your self-talk work for you.
Here’s an example:
Let’s say you want to save money. You’re at a store and you see something really want to buy. At that point, you’re conflicted. Instead of asking 100 questions or having an internal sparring match, you simply tell yourself, “I do want to buy that. I also made a commitment to save money. I follow through on my goals. I keep the promises I make.” You’re affirming who you are. Your good decision is associated with your identity.
Now, let’s say you fail and buy the thing you wanted. Now what? Let’s assume the thing is non-refundable, so you can’t return it. You’re stuck with it. What do you say then?
Try this:
“I made a decision that goes against who I am, but I am someone who learns from mistakes. I am someone who grows and perseveres. I am more than this one decision, and I can do better.”
Notice how that statement doesn’t excuse the decision. It also doesn’t attach it to your identity.
The point is to constantly make your identity as someone who [insert positive habit here]. Then make decisions based on who you are.
Practice makes perfect.
Self-discipline is a muscle. You have to work the muscle to make it grow. Challenging yourself to practice discipline in new ways will help you improve. It can be something silly.
Case in point:
I was hungry one day and had just finished making lunch. Instead of eating right away, I made myself wait 5 minutes. It was a random little challenge that helped me practice self-discipline.
Was that a big hurdle? No. Did it help me? Of course!
Our small acts of discipline add up, so keep pushing yourself. You never know where you’ll end up.
How about you? Do you struggle with self-discipline? Have you found ways to develop better self-control?